Sunshine, Daisies, Butter Mellow
by Intricacy
Summary: True, it took a while to activate, but that spell used by Ron in first year is a real one. Its use? Its function? Its unexpected result? We invite you to embark on a dangerous journey to find the real source behind butter. Caution the Remnants of Ron!


**Sunshine, Daisies, Butter Mellow**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Ron... or butter, but I do own Remnants of Ron. Sort of, considering its lack of existance.

Just something I thought up of before. It was supposed to be a full-fledged story, but I changed it to a really quick one-shot and the formatting is significantly different. Hope you enjoy! Pleae review!

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_"Sunshine, Daisies, Butter Mellow, _

_Turn This Stupid Fat Rat Yellow."_

Once upon a time, there was a young wizard called Ronald Weasley who said a spell.

A very, very dumb spell.

Ronald Weasley knew that he should have seen it coming that fateful train ride to Hogwarts in his first year, but he didn't. He should have seen the clues that were leading up to the big event. But he didn't, and he would kill himself for it.

It didn't start out that noticeable. In fact, when the spell first started to take place, it was hard to notice at all. A few random strands of blond hair here and there around the Burrow. Ron had thought that maybe they were from one of Ginny's ancient, tattered dolls from when she was little.

The days started to get just a little warmer--just a bit. It didn't mean anything to Ron. He never was one to examine the weather closely.

Then the daisies started to pop up from the ground like weeds. Not that he noticed, once again. The gnomes in their gardens liked to eat them, so it didn't prove to be too much of a problem--save for the fact that the gnomes would keep coming back, not only because of his dad's friendliness, but because of those daisies.

Then it happened.

BOOM.

He was fat.

He was yellow.

He was a gigantic butterball.

You would've thought that he had realized it when he woke up, but no. He rolled over in bell and rolled straight into the door and thought that maybe something was wrong. Just maybe.

But he mercifully slept through all that and rolled over, this time crashing into the window.

Not that he flew out the window or anything. He was too fat for that.

So when he woke up the next day, he felt his body ache, sore, and realized that his room was a mess.

Oh, and that his whole room was made out of butter.

It just so happened that that day was a very warm one, and the butter started to melt.

And it just so happened that the room below him belonged to his parents.

_Drip, drip_...

But Ron didn't understand what had happened. Why was his room yellow? Why was it squishy? Why did it smell like butter?

_Drip, drip_...

And more importantly, why was _he_ yellow? Why was he round? And... yellow? And smelled like daisies? And... yellow?

_Drip, drip_...

Then his mind went toward a different direction. Was butter bouncy? If it was, maybe he could bounce out of the window...

_Drip, drip_...

Oops, too bad. He didn't fit through.

_Drip--COLLAPSE!_

Ron Weasley felt the whole room shake beneath him before giving way, slamming into the floor below him. He flailed his small, pudgy arms as he dropped, feeling his stomach lurch up as one does when riding a roller coaster. But Ron never rode one of those things and compared it to taking a dive on a broomstick.

"RONALD WEASLEY!"

Ron cringed at his mother's loud voice. "Yes, Mum?" he bubbled. Now, we see what will happen when butter tries to speak. Little bubbles of butter spouted from his mouth and his voice sounded rather gurgled.

It was sort of nasty to look at, actually. It's a good thing that butter normally doesn't talk. Maybe they did at one point, but got ridiculed for it, so they evolved and currently have lost that primitive ability.

"What did you do to your room, Ronald?" Molly screeched, swimming her way out of butter, her clothes drenched and covered with slimy butter oil.

Arthur then surfaced and gasped for breath, blinking out the butter from his eyes. "What is this?" he asked.

Ron opened his mouth and bubbles popped out.

"Oh, look at Ron--he's a gigantic butter ball!" Arthur commented, swimming toward Ron to observe him.

Ron didn't swim.

He bobbed.

_Bob, bob, bob..._

At that moment, Fred and George Weasley decided to come crashing in and slammed the door open. They were swept away by a tide of butter that flooded out the doorway and they floated over to France, for butter is oily and stays above the water.

Bye-bye, Fred.

Bye-bye, George.

Ron bobbed toward the open doorway, but got stuck. Ginny, who was coming down for breakfast, saw something bright and yellow and smelling like daisies sticking out the door. Since she was so very hungry, she decided to bite it.

Quickly, she spewed it out and died of food poisoning.

Bye-bye, Ginny.

Meanwhile, Ron's parents were getting tired of swimming and couldn't get their muscles to keep up, so they drowned in butter.

Ewww.

Bye-bye, Molly.

Bye-bye, Arthur.

Suddenly, the house exploded and Ron flew out, landing on the grass. He tried to walk around, but his legs could not carry such a huge butterball. So he rolled.

And he rolled on the pavement, leaving a trail of butter behind them.

Remnants of Ron.

And he rolled and he rolled, giving the Death Eaters a heart attack (with their arteries clogged) and even rolled over Lord Voldemort, who is actually on a low carb diet and failed to run away.

He was left, covered in his worst fear (other than love): butter.

Bye-bye, Voldemort.

Then Ron made the mistake of rolling into a poor Muggle town that saw free butter rolling down the street. Naturally, they did not let it pass.

Bye-bye, Ron.

The next day, everyone was a big butterball (you are what you eat, after all), and the world became a world of solid butter. It started to melt with the sun's heat and the oil, no longer with gravity, started to float along.

Some of them floated so far away from the sun, pulled by the gravity of some other planet, and they hardened once more and became a moon.

And even today, children, you can see Jupiter's moon, Butterball, which is made of genuine butter, through a telescope. It is the place where we now retrieve our butter.

So, when you eat your toast heavily buttered with, well, butter, you, too, can proudly proclaim: I am eating Remnants of Ron!

Buy Remnants of Ron Butter today! Specially retrieved from Butterball, the solar system's best source for natural butter. Sold in the imagination closest to you.


End file.
